


Through Trauma and Love

by FayeAsher



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker has PTSD, Wade Wilson Helps Peter Parker, Wade Wilson Loves Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25793698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeAsher/pseuds/FayeAsher
Summary: "It’s been a rough week. For some people that looks like having one too many assignments to complete with not enough time, skipping meals, and getting little sleep. For Peter, it’s exactly like that but with assignments from both college and work, one meal a day if he remembers, only about two hours of sleep a night, and a bunch of Doom bots terrorizing the city.Really, this was just the icing on the cake. A terrible end of a terrible week. He should have known that just because it was his day off and  Johnny said he’d patrol for him, that didn’t mean he’d finally get a break. No, because Parker luck was always looking for a way to crumble his will to live one shit pile of a day at a time. He can’t even blame Wade, he didn’t know."***Graphic depiction of a panic attack, claustrophobia, mention of sex, mention of pedophilia (no actual, intentional pedophilia. Wade did not know Peter was underage and they did not get together until Peter was over 20)***
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 131





	Through Trauma and Love

**Author's Note:**

> This whole work is Peter having a panic attack in which he relives his trauma, being crushed under a building, after being unintentionally triggered by Wade and Wade takes care of his boyfriend and helps him through it. Please don't read if you will get triggered, further warnings are at the bottom of the summary even if I don't think anything here is bad enough to be a trigger.

It’s been a rough week. For some people that looks like having one too many assignments to complete with not enough time, skipping meals, and getting little sleep. For Peter, it’s exactly like that but with assignments from both college and work, one meal a day if he remembers, only about two hours of sleep a night, and a bunch of Doom bots terrorizing the city.

Really, this was just the icing on the cake. A terrible end of a terrible week. He should have known that just because it was his day off and Johnny said he’d patrol for him, that didn’t mean he’d finally get a break. No, because Parker luck was always looking for a way to crumble his will to live one shit pile of a day at a time. He can’t even blame Wade, he didn’t know.

Wade was just getting home from a mission that lasted all week. He was excited to see his miserable little boyfriend and cheer him up with some cuddles. He’d been texting Peter every day and it seemed Petey Pie was getting thrown one curveball after the next, he could really use a touchdown.

[That’s not even the same sport, idiot.]  
{Who cares? It’s the thought that counts!}  
[That doesn’t make sense!]  
{I’m sticking my tongue out at you, but you can’t see it!}  
[We don’t have tongues!]  
_Both of you shut it, I’m trying to get home to our baby boy!_

Despite the distraction, Wade was still going the right direction ( _this time_ ) and was just ten minutes from their apartment. It still made Wade’s heart skip a beat each time he thought about it, they lived together! It seems like not too long ago Spidey first revealed his face and even shorter still that he confessed his feelings for Wade. Of course, it took a while for Wade to believe that he wasn’t messing with him, but a kiss on the lips really knocked him out of it. 

Webs was so young too, how could he like such an old thing like Wade? That was what he thought before he realized that, OMG, Spidey was actually super duper young. Wade had been crushing on him since he first debuted in the news and flirted with him whenever he saw him. Spiderman was 20 when he finally showed Wade his face. He had been flirting with him for three years before that and that when the self-loathing hit. He had been hitting on a minor [ _that’s definitely not the worst thing you did_ ]. It was a blow like no other and Wade ran and ran until he thought Spidey couldn’t find him and then he blew his brains out. That pattern continued for nearly two weeks before Webs found his safe house and made him stop. 

They talked things out and Peter promised that he wasn’t mad or disgusted. It was months after that when he told Wade he liked him, had for a long time. It baffled Wade but Yellow had gloated to White that’s why Petey wasn’t disgusted by them (White had said they somehow groomed him without knowing but Peter always knew what was going on and made sure to say that Wade’s advances were only taken into consideration after turning 18). It was the start of something amazing for Wade.

[Not that I don’t love reminiscing on being a pedophile, but what’s the point of all this?]  
_We were never pedophiles, shut your fuck hole_  
[Don’t you mean ‘pie hole’?]  
_No, I mean fuck hole. As in, people fuck your stupid mouth to give it something useful to do._  
[As I said before, I don’t have a mouth to shut.]  
{Anyways! The answer to your question is that the Author wanted to fill in a little time before the main event, don’t you remember?}  
[Why would I bother to remember something so inane?]  
{Well, you remember everything don’t you? And the Author also wanted to establish what universe this is in!}  
_MCU, baby. But later when he’s legal._

Wade snapped out of it when he saw they reached the apartment door. Not bothered by the lack of memory on the way there, he opened the door and entered the cozy place he called home. It was a thousand percent upgrade compared to his safe houses and had the added plus of an adorable lover. Speaking of that Spider booty, he realized just how momentous it was to enter the apartment unnoticed. 

Kicking off his shoes in the designated spot and putting away his weapons in their respective places (Petey liked a clean, neat apartment), he made his way to the bedroom where he was sure his Spidey was hiding. Peter was laying face down in the middle of the bed, starfished limbs spread out, and still in all his clothes except his shoes. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, being able to sneak up on the mysterious spider-sense. Wade just had to take it. Peter would be shocked but then they’d laugh together and have a tickle fight before eating together, watching tv, taking a relaxing bath, and maybe some lazy sex if Petey was up to it.

That’s how it was supposed to go.  
Wade crept up behind his boyfriend and made sure there was nothing sharp or pokey on his suit before he jumped and landed on the smaller body beneath him. The sound of a sharp intake of breath was heard and Wade was ready for whatever reaction his baby boy had. Any reaction except the one he actually got. 

It took a second before Peter’s body caught up to the strain but then he was screaming his throat raw. He couldn’t breathe, he needed air and there wasn’t enough. Dust was coming in and around him but he didn’t feel it because any air was better than none. The weight was unbearable, he was weak. Forget super strength, he couldn’t lift this, he was trapped. Trapped, trapped, trapped. He needed help, but who could he contact? The suit was gone, he was just in his civvies, his phone wasn’t close enough, he couldn’t call anyone else. Ned was the only one who knew where he was but last time he checked, Mr. Stark and Happy weren’t answering.

He was alone. Alone, alone, alone. No one could save him, not under the tons and tons of concrete holding him down. He could still have someone get help, there had to be someone passing by, maybe a police cruiser to check out why the building suddenly collapsed. He just needed to keep screaming, yelling for help, they’d know he was there if he kept screaming. Maybe they could get Mr. Stark or even the firefighters. But they would be too late, wouldn’t they? By the time they got through half this pile, his lungs would be crushed and he’d be gone.

He started crying then, his lungs hurt but he still sobbed and tears streamed down his face. He had truly given up then, nobody could save him in time. That was when he heard the voice. It sounded like it was underwater, but that was probably the effect of layers and layers of concrete between them. He yelled for their help, if he could just get them to call Happy or Mr. Stark then he would be saved. He needed to be heard, but what if they can’t hear him? What if he only heard them because of his enhanced hearing? He had to scream louder.

\------------------------------

Wade was startled when he first heard the scream before he realized just who was screaming. It was Peter, his Petey Pie, his Sweetie Petey, his Baby Boy. Peter was screaming. Peter was screaming because Wade jumped on him while he was relaxed. That was the time Wade started panicking. God, he was just the worst! How could he do this to his boyfriend, the love of his life? He needed to do something about it! What could he do to make this better? How does he get Peter to stop screaming?

He tried soothing words, apologizing softly, stroking his sides, and combing his fingers through Peter’s hair. All the things that Peter usually likes when he’s having a breakdown. But it wasn’t working. Wade doubted Peter could even hear him. When Peter started shouting for help, Wade was terrified. Did Peter think he was a stranger going to hurt him? He tried telling Peter it was him, his boyfriend, he wasn’t going to hurt him but Peter was still oblivious to his comfort. It became clear then that this wasn’t a breakdown or even a misunderstanding. Peter was having a panic attack. What was he thinking of? What happened to his sweet, precious, to-good-for-this-world, boyfriend? Was he kidnapped? Beaten? Taken advantage…

The worst continued to flood his mind and he was having a hard time keeping in control himself. He was snapped out of it when Peter said he was stuck. His screams for “down here, I’m under here!” were starting to connect the dots. He was trapped somewhere, underground maybe? In a basement? He screamed for someone to find him. And then he didn’t. Somehow the silence was even more worrying than the screaming, but then the sobbing started and he couldn’t tell what was happening then, what Peter was thinking of. He tried to bring him out of it, to at least be heard this time.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m here, I can help you.”

Peter’s breath hitched and it was such a relief he was able to get through to his baby. He let out a cry then, strangled but there was a touch of relief that someone was there. He wasn’t alone anymore.

“Help! Please! I’m stuck! I-it’s crushing me!” he screamed. It was heartbreaking to hear his voice crack with a sob and the work of trying to be loud enough to be heard. Wade wanted to get him to calm down, maybe first get him to stop screaming so Wade can calm down too.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here, I can hear you. Stop yelling.”

“Y-you can hear me? Under a-all this?” he hiccuped. 

So there was a pile, a big one. Wade originally thought this happened before the spider bite, but maybe Spiderman finally found his limit to how much he could handle one dreadful night.

“Yes, I can hear you. I need you to take deep breaths, so I can understand you better. Can you do that? In…. then out. Keep going, you’re doing good.”

Peter sobbed while nodding, breathing in and out until the sobs subsided and the tears started slowing.

“That’s good. Great job. Can you tell me where you are?”

Peter wondered how they knew he was doing good but they didn’t know where he was but the urgency of getting free outweighed his curiosity. “I-I’m under the c-concrete. The building f-fell. Please call M-Mr. Stark! Ironman! O-only he can lift it in time. It’s crushing me.”

And at that, Wade was floored. A building. And entire building made of concrete had fallen on top of his baby boy and he’d survived. Maybe his help really did arrive. But he had to have been Spiderman by then, he knew Stark, so shouldn’t he have had his really smart suit? Why wasn’t it working? Answers later though, Wade could fix this now. He was still on Peter, he liked having something grounding during his breakdowns so Wade thought maybe he could help that way. Turns out, he was just making it worse.

(Wade tried to ignore the voice that said he always made things worse.)

“I can help you, Baby Boy. I’ll get you out nice and safe. Hang in there, stay calm.”

He could feel the tension relax from his boy’s body slightly after he was told he was being rescued. He took shuddering breaths of relief as Wade eased off of him, careful not to be sudden, lest he flipped out Peter’s subconscious. “I’m going to lift you out now, okay?” Wade waited for an acknowledging nod or word of approval before he lifted his small boyfriend by the shoulders and sat him down in his lap, back to chest, on the floor.

Peter started crying again as he twisted to snuggle closer into Wade’s embrace, a litany of “thank you, thank you so much, you saved me”’s falling from those bitten puffy red lips. And this was finally a familiar situation. Peter shaking in his lap and crying, while super heartbreaking and terrible, is something he knew how to handle and he was horrifically glad for it.

Now in familiar territory, Wade was able to help Peter through the attack. He didn’t know who he was talking to but he could hear Wade. It was unclear if he even remembered who Wade was or if his mindset was taken back to when this happened. He played along for Peter’s sake so as not to strain the brain, this was obviously before they were even friends and being told you suddenly have a boyfriend could be a jarring experience, especially being with Deadpool. Spidey barely tolerated him for a while, before he knew Wade was serious about changing, he couldn’t imagine being in that state of mind and then told that they were dating.

Rubbing his back and combing through Peter’s hair while softly rocking them was proving to be as effective as with his break downs but now they were just two strangers. It felt odd to not have his boyfriend know who he was and yet still be okay with this touch, but Peter always had been a touchy-feely person like Wade. Wade found touch soothing as well, but after Weapon X it was just as easily a trigger because people only touched him to hurt him. The only difference between them was that Wade was touch starved for so long and it wasn’t even self-induced, no one was willing to touch Wade gently and they didn’t even try to aim for exposed skin in battle, afraid to catch his disease.

When it felt like Peter was breathing easier and he had mostly calmed down, Wade tried to talk with him again. 

“How are you feeling,” he asked quietly, he didn’t want to hurt his baby’s ears, especially if he had a sudden sensory overload. 

“Better. Everything aches and my head hurts,” came the small reply. It always broke Wade’s heart to hear his boyfriend talk like this, like if he spoke any louder the whole world would fall apart. 

“Your headache is probably from crying and screaming so much. I think you’d feel better with some water. Would you like to go with me to get some, or stay here and wait for me,” Wade offered.

Peter didn’t was to be alone though, he’d been alone for too long and he didn’t was to be stuck and alone anymore. “Take me with you,” he pleaded softly. And if that didn’t make Wade want to wrap him head to toe in their thickest, warmest blankets then he was a big lying puddle on the ground.

Wrapping his arms under his precious little boyfriend’s knees and around his waist, Wade picked Peter up and had him wrap his arms around his neck while they walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge like this would be too hard, so he had Peter wrap his legs around his waist too, so he had one arm supporting him and one free to grab the water bottles he left in the fridge, a familiar position for them.

With his boyfriend securely wrapped around him like a cute koala, Wade headed back to their bedroom and sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard with Peter in his lap again. He cracked open a water bottle and lifted it to Peter’s lips, tipping it down slowly so he wouldn’t choke. Peter tried to take hold of the plastic bottle but Wade shushed him and gently guided his hand away before he had a hold on it, pulling the water away from him as well. 

“Careful there, don’t want you to drink too much and get sick. Just have a few sips at a time,” he instructed his baby boy before handing him the bottle. 

Peter listened and took a few more sips after a couple of minutes, repeating it a couple of times before he started leaning heavily on Wade. His eyelids were half-closed and his head was dropping occasionally, his breathing was starting to slow as well. After all of that, it made sense Peter was tired and ready to take a nap, even more so considering the week he’s had before this. The thought made him cringe with self-hatred, of course he had to trigger his already stressed boyfriend into a panic attack on his first day off in a long time.

Now wasn’t the time for that though, Peter was tired and he needed rest. 

“You can sleep now baby, it’s not a problem,” he offered to his exhausted boyfriend.

Peter sighed gently and rested his head on Wade’s chest, already giving in when he mumbled, “You’ll watch out, right?”

“Of course, I’ll take care of you Petey,” Wade responded with a heavy heart. He was a monster.

The body leaning into him fell into a deep sleep very quickly, allowing Wade to lay them down properly and face each other without waking him up. The deep, even breaths of his partner were captivating, but not soothing enough to put Wade to sleep with him. 

He knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight.

\-----------------------------------------------

Waking up to aching muscles was normal for Peter, random bits of hurt were a part of the job description. This was a bit different though, he knew that he hadn’t patrolled tonight and would be taking the weekend off with other people covering for him, but he still felt phantom pains. His eyes also felt sore and heavy, which meant he was crying but he couldn’t remember when it had happened. He also somehow managed to get undressed before passing out but not into a shirt like he normally sleeps.

It was then he realized that his face was snuggled into Wade’s chest. So he had finally arrived home at some point last night from his job. He looked up and found his boyfriend staring back, a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes was on his face. 

“How’d you sleep, baby,” he asked softly. 

Peter smiled back and gave him a small peck on the lips, “Good I guess, considering I don’t remember waking up when you got home. How about you darling?”  
There was a pain in Wade’s eyes that Peter had no idea why it was there, “Didn’t sleep. Just watched you.” It felt like there was something more to that statement, a part of a conversation that Peter doesn’t remember or never heard. Maybe something Wade and the boxes had talked about. Nevertheless, his face still pulled in concern for his boyfriend. Had his mission brought back trauma or triggered him in some way?

“Wanna talk about it,” he offered, sitting up. Maybe if he talked about it and let his emotions out then he’d be able to sleep, it’s worked a couple of times in the past but sometimes he just couldn’t and Peter got that. 

It seemed that that had broken Wade, the pain went unfiltered onto his face and he looked utterly heartbroken as he also sat up for this serious talk. “You’re not the one that should be asking that baby boy,” he said, much to Peter’s confusion. Why would Wade need to ask him that?

“What do you mean,” he voiced.

A familiar look was there now, the self-loathing. Peter hated it and wanted to do whatever it takes to wipe it off Wade’s handsome face, wished he could just kiss it better but he knew that wouldn’t work this time. 

“I got home not long after you should have without patrol. I saw you laying on the bed but you are awake, you didn’t seem to notice me. I figured I could sneak up on you for once, surprise you…” he bit his lip, a rare nervous tick. “I didn’t know I would trigger you,” his voice broke off.

Peter was a bit shocked. Not by the silent tears that fell down his face, Peter had witnessed more than enough break downs from Wade to be surprised that a big tough guy like him cried so often, even just from watching an emotional show. Tears were a normal thing for them. What surprised him was being told he was triggered. He’d had very few attacks that made him forget they ever happened. Peter let a hand come up to stroke Wade’s face and wipe away the tears, a few soft reassurances fell from his lips as he waited for Wade to elaborate.

Wade took a few deep breaths before he continued with his explanation. “I jumped on top of you and you just started screaming, yelling for help. You said you were stuck under a building.” Wade choked on a sob again while Peter cringed internally. Okay, that wasn’t the best way for his boyfriend to find out he had deep-seeded childhood trauma and claustrophobia. Maybe now was the time to talk more about triggers and how to help each other through them.

Right now though, his boyfriend was in distress and he needed to calm him down before he starts a downward spiral into his depression. 

Peter moved a hand to pull his boyfriend closer, hugging him and rubbing soothing circles on his back. “You didn’t know Wade, I never told you. I never told anyone…”

Wade hugged him back, holding him tight. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t Stark help?” Peter knew then that Wade had figured out this was when Spiderman was active. Of course it had to have been, it was a whole building on top of him, no regular human could survive that. He shouldn’t have been surprised, Wade was a lot smarter than he let on. His time in the military wasn’t wasted and he used his skills for his mercenary jobs too, his mind was sharp and he was observant even if he could get crazy and scatterbrained at times. 

“Well, me and Mr. Stark had gotten into a fight before that. The ferry incident, we call it. A ferry got split in half, part of the longer story I’ll tell later. But basically, because of that, Mr. Stark took the suit away to teach me a lesson. Then there was a bad guy I was chasing by myself, Mr. Stark wasn’t taking care of it like he thought he was, and I didn’t have the tech suit. All I had were my red and blue sweats and goggles, the first suit I made myself.”

“The cute pajamas I’ve heard about and only seen on youtube,” Wade questioned with a rough laugh.

Most definitely _not_ pouting, “They were not pajamas or a onesie and they were horrendous, not cute,” Peter corrected. That got him another laugh and an affectionate squeeze. 

“Anyways,” he continued, “I was facing this dude in my sweats with my phone left in the car-”

“I could have sworn you didn’t know how to drive,” Wade teased.

Peter hit the stupid jerk face on the shoulder for another interruption, “I don’t and the car did not come out unscratched. Luckily Mr. Stark was bought a new one for the kid, it was his dad’s car.”

“ _Anyways_ ,” he repeated, “My phone was left in the trashed car while facing this dude and I had no tech with me. He made the building collapse on top of me while he escaped.”

He had to take a steadying breath before continuing. 

“I thought I was going to die under there,” he admitted. “I had never had my strength tested that much before, not even at the ferry incident. It was so heavy, I know now that I had at least a few broken ribs. No one was there to help me and I wasn’t able to call for help.”

Pausing for a moment, Peter relived the emotions he felt at the time. Helpless, useless, weak. He had doubted himself for awhile under there, thinking Mr. Stark was right, it was too much for him, before his words became the very thing to save him.

“How did you get out,” Wade softly prompted Peter from his thoughts.

The younger shook his head away from there, no need to have another attack if he just recovered from one. 

“I pushed myself up,” he ignored the gasp for now. “If I’m nothing without the suit, I don’t deserve it. That’s what Mr. Stark said. Those words hurt me, but it also made me realize they were true. The suit doesn’t make Spiderman, I _am_ Spiderman. The powers are all me, the suit just had some cool features. I was strong before the suit, I didn’t need it.”

He ignored the fact that he had no idea if his powers would even enable him to lift that much weight, it was at least one metric ton. That his powers might not have been enough to lift it and all his hopes could have been crushed, along with him.

“I was able to lift myself up in a pushup and eventually got on my knees, able to push the concrete off of me and to the side. Who knew PE would be useful, huh,” he tried to joke. It helped to keep his thoughts from going too dark and returning to that bad place.

Wade huffed a laugh but was still in awe of his baby boy.

“So strong,” he mumbled, face pressed to the soft bed hair that smelled faintly of the rose shampoo Peter used that didn’t hurt his sensitive nose.

Peter leaned onto the large, muscular chest in front of him, finding himself actually happy that he was able to talk about this with someone.

“Yeah, thank god for spider strength. And the healing factor, since it let me survive that, the plane crash, and the explosion later that night,” he said tiredly. 

“ _WHAT_ ,” was the startled, shocked, and incredulous response from above.

Peter just smirked, too tired from all the feelings to go further into that.

“Shhhh,” he commanded softly, pulling Wade down with his aforementioned strength to lay with him, “tired now. Tell you the long story later. Sleep now.”

Wade couldn’t argue with his sleepy spider baby, he hadn’t slept at all last night and he could seriously use the z’s too. 

_They were absolutely going to talk about all that in the morning though._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work posted on AO3! I have a Wattpad account that I will be posting this on, the account is fayethewriter (yes, shameless self-promo). Warning though, all my old works are there and they are very cringe compared to this, and there's only one SpideyPool work, the rest is Billdip and a couple of random things. Please let me know how this was, I don't do a lot of angst and I want to work on it for future writing. Let me know your opinions by leaving kudos or a comment, I love constructive criticism. Thanks for reading!


End file.
